The boy has suggested that I start blogging again. Though I recently hosted my first play party, I haven't had much to say in awhile as far as fetish is concerned ... my heart just really wasn't in it for awhile there, and I think of it all more as a side hobby or something these days. While I'm still able to enjoy certain aspects of it and still want to stay connected to some of the wonderful friends I have in the community, it's not where my focus is. I'm back in school after four years, finishing my psychology degree and have pretty much become "super student" over the last several months, my number one priority being busting my ass to maintain a 4.0 average so I can get scholarships to pay for everything else. My boy's and my relationship is basically vanilla. I've pulled all clearly identifiable photos of myself from any fetish sites and I've stopped shooting videos, though with several tempting offers on the table recently, I may pick it up again in the coming year. Still, the only thing fetish-related that really seems relevant enough to my current life to take the time and energy to blog about it are the pet peeves that cropped up when I spent my time weeding through emails from prospective subbies, many of which reared their ugly heads again in emails from my would-be party attendees. So, here they are -- in the spirit of the movie High Fidelity, and in no particular order -- the top five ways to ensure that Satan will be perfecting his triple lutz before an individual who commits any of the following will get anywhere near me:
1. Name dropping. I've lost count of the number of times some random whom I've never met before has messaged me with a list of other Dommes he knows by way of undoing having made a horrible first impression on me. Most recently, a guy who wanted to attend my party asked around trying to get my personal cell phone number, finally succeeding by implying to a sweet but easily manipulated friend of mine that he had had the number previously and lost it. Everywhere the event description was posted clearly stated that all would-be attendees needed to do was email me their info so I could add them to my mailing list for when I sent out the address of the private location the day before the party. While he did email, he also seemed to be one of those types who wants what they want when they want it, so he felt the need to violate my privacy in addition. When I called him on it and told him that I wasn't comfortable having him because such behavior prevented me from assuring the owner of the space of his ability for discretion, he replied with his list of references. My response? I am not concerned with who you and I may happen to know in common. I am concerned with your present behavior. Seriously, why do they all seem to think second-hand information from others is going to mean shit to me if their first impression sucks?
2. Breaches in confidentiality. This can be seen as a sub-category of name dropping, and can apply to any revelation of confidential information by a sub about another Domme. Most often, I've encountered it from subs who know I've worked with Domme Dietrich and feel the need to refer to her by her vanilla name when mentioning her to me, just to show me how tight they are with her. The fact that I know her real name because she signs it on my checks notwithstanding, scene names exist for a reason, and something like that really makes me lose respect for someone ... I'm sure as hell not gonna feel any inclination to get all "buddy-buddy" and share my personal information with you after something like that.
3. Long-time players who brag about their experience. While I'm not in any way knocking the old-timers as I've met several who are sweet, wonderful, and have been immensely helpful to me in my growth as a Domme, these are the ones who are respectful, humble, and most importantly, who don't feel the need to go on ad nauseam about how experienced they are. The ones who feel the need to brag about it, in my experience, have always been the ones to top from the bottom ... and the worst part of this is, they don't even seem to realize they're doing it; they'll claim how much they loathe topping from the bottom, and truly believe they are simply making "respectful suggestions" when in reality, they are rattling off a laundry list of demands. My first ever experience with a sub was with a guy like this, and I played with one at my party who has emailed me two or three unsolicited "performance review" missives since, basically complaining about all the things he really likes that I didn't do (or didn't do enough of for his liking) during our short scene (mainly more sensual stuff, which call me shallow, but is SO never going to happen between me and the flabby and hairy who emanate the aroma of BO). I finally just said that while it was fun, we probably just have different styles since I've actually found I often prefer the novices, finding them more inclined to allow the Domme her creative license than some of the old-timers who are more "set in their ways" (which I actually thought was a wonderfully tactful way of putting it) he wrote back complaining about my "lack of flexibility." Ha. All I have to say to that one is: Hi, pot. This is kettle. You're black.
4. Violations of my and/or my boy's personal space. The number of times a perfect stranger has found it perfectly acceptable to make excuses to touch me during the course of our conversation is mind-blowing. I've actually flat out told people at events I wouldn't play with them because of that. Ditto anyone touching my boy; one girl once reached down his shirt and actually tweaked his nipple by way of introduction. She's just lucky I had a happy-mellow-drunk-buzz going on at the time, or she would have gotten drop-kicked. Seriously, the scene just allows way too much space for playing with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
5. Condescending male Doms. These are the guys who have the arrogant mentality that female Dommes "just haven't been topped by the right man yet." I found the mentality equally insulting as a queer-identified woman, so this one irks me times two. Again, as in the old-timers example, it's not the case with all male Doms;I count some pretty incredible male Doms among my closest friends. But I do get enough of the occasional "hey little girl" come ons to maintain there are still entirely too many arrogant dudes who strut around like they're God's gift, and who, if that's the case, I would really like to wrap up and stamp "Return to Sender."
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i heart you :o)
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