Enjoying the Ride

When I first started learning my way around the community, I heard both Brooke and Derek refer to vanilla people in terms of D/s on separate occasions.
Brooke and I had several "girl talk" nights during which we would stay up late drinking wine, painting our toenails, and trading stories ... and one night, when I told her about an experience I'd had with a guy who had gotten cold feet about "sealing the deal" with me (so to speak) during a vanilla sexual encounter, she responded matter-of-factly, "Well, he had a true slave mindset then, and a true slave never wants to fuck his Mistress." I wasn't really sure how to take that at the time, so my only reaction was to reiterate his "vanilla-ness" for her. Later, I encountered similar responses from Derek when sharing stories with him in which he would peg vanilla people as submissives based on my accounts of my experiences and interactions with them.
I imagine that much of the reasoning behind precisely why these prosaic, black and white classifications of people who weren't in the scene left me ever so slightly unsettled probably had more than a little bit to do with my own strict religious upbringing, against which I've been rebelling for the better part of my life. It all just felt like something of a parallel to that militant, born again Christian line of reasoning that those who don't share their beliefs must automatically fall into the category of "hell-bound." In the same vein, the whole concept of "recruiting" vanillas has always - at least to me - felt on a par with the penchant those same Christians seem to have for constantly trying to force their beliefs on others.
I'm open about who I am and what I do, and if my vanilla friends are curious to learn more about exactly what all that entails for me, I'll answer any questions they might have and tell them anything they want to know. In Sasha's case - after some careful grilling to be sure her interest was genuine and that she had legitimate personal reasons for wanting to pursue the lifestyle (not unlike Derek's approach to me when I first expressed my interest in the scene to him) - I was even willing to show her the ropes, but for me, that was where it ended. When our mutual friend Alex then asked me to train her - primarily because she hoped that topping the boy who had been spending the better part of a year playing with her mind and heart would bond him more closely to her - I was more reluctant to oblige or entertain the notion ... despite the fact that she does, indeed, have some dominant personality traits. As Derek had eventually explained his reasoning behind his own grilling process as applied to me, "This is something that's extremely personal for me, so I wanted to be sure you were sincere and genuine in your desires before I made the decision to usher you into the lifestyle," and I guess I've been applying that same principle where vanillas are concerned.
As far as a scenario in which I might actually find myself coupled with a vanilla partner, personally, all I've ever really hoped for was acceptance and understanding (something I haven’t always gotten in the past) ... but given my upbringing, I'm also categorically opposed to forcing my beliefs on anyone. So I guess the most recent development in my story so far could just be viewed as yet another example of that whole "where you least expect it" theory that seems to apply to so many aspects of life. Either way, it's been nothing short of amazing so far.
So... the back story behind all that is: I've recently come into contact with this boy. We (meaning he and I, not my split personalities and I) have decided that for the purposes of this blog, I'm going to be calling him Jack.*
We hit it off pretty quickly ... though since he was vanilla, I was a little bit nervous about broaching that whole subject of, "I'm also known as Mistress Kay in some circles." I mean, I wasn't too too worried; he seemed cool and open-minded enough, and he's no stranger to bucking convention himself ... but initially, I guess there's always that little okay so this person seems really great and I really hope this isn't gonna scare them off smidgen of concern.
Well, not only was Jack not scared off, his first response was to inform me of a local dungeon where he had just so happened to have heard that monthly parties are held (he had been there once with a friend who had been buying a flogger, ostensibly for the purpose of spicing things up with his boyfriend, and the owner had given them her promoting spiel), and then to say that as long as I didn't mind his being shy and quiet and hiding out in the corner silently observing, he wouldn't mind going to check it out with me sometime.
Apparently, my reaction to that was an offhanded comment along the lines of, "Sure, no problem. I can just tell people that you're with me and I gave you a speech restriction," something I immediately forgot I had even said ... at least until a few days later when Jack called me, reminding me of it and informing me that he'd been thinking about it and was curious about maybe trying it out and seeing what it was like sometime.
I gave him the same grilling as everyone else, making sure he had his own reasons to back up this newfound curiosity ... namely reasons that didn't have anything to do with his interest in me or our rapidly deepening connection.
Now, a couple short weeks or so later, a confirmation of pure intentions finds him under my protection, beginning to attend munches with me as my boy, and just completely blowing me away in general in new ways every day ... without even realizing he's doing it. Which, really? Is pretty much the best way to do it anyway.
In hindsight, the signs were all there ... I was kinda subconsciously topping him in little ways from day one (hey, someone's gotta take control of a situation sometimes, and I've frequently wound up being that person, so is it really my fault if it's become a conditioned response at this point?). Not to mention the number of times we've inadvertently (and, I suppose one might argue, even almost instinctively) found ourselves engaging in some of the most intense and absolutely incredible power exchanges I've ever experienced.
I've previously touched on my tendencies for beating around the bush, dressing everything up in metaphors, speaking in riddles, and disclaimer-ing absolutely everything to death wherever relationship stuff is concerned. And maybe instinct plays a part in that, too. Maybe every time I've previously only selectively shown myself to someone - ever the open book with certain pages carefully torn out and tucked into my cleavage ... and God help anyone who would ever dream of even attempting to dive in there for them uninvited - it was simply a case of somehow subconsciously knowing better, knowing on some instinctive level that maybe this person wasn't quite "it ..." either because they wouldn't fully understand, or because for whatever reason, they just simply weren't entirely worthy of it, of me. But with Jack, I've had no such hangups. And the best part is, he actually gives me the opportunity to return the favor, sharing himself with me just as openly and honestly as I share myself with him.
And I don't want to jinx it, but I really think it's safe to say that the days of bullshit have ended for me. Last night, showing him off to my lifestyle friends at a munch, I was proudly and excitedly gushing about the lack of "training" that even seems to be required here, in contrast with some of my past experiences: Jack is respectful, attentive to my needs, in regular contact with me ... and he even asked permission before calling me by pet names (kind of a huge thing for me lately since my decision not to maintain the whole "Domme bitch" persona has gone hand in hand with a serious lack of respect and entirely too much familiarity from some subs).
"You mean he actually has manners?" my friend Xani asked with a smirk and in the most priceless tone of mock incredulity once I was done gushing, "Wow, imagine that!"
"I know, what a concept, right?" Derek chimed in, laughing.
Sadly, though, it is quite a concept for me in this particular instance. But (knocking wood, fingers crossed, and all that jazz), I think it's actually finally safe to say that I am now officially onto bigger and better things ... 'cause really? This is what it's all about.
I mean, logically speaking, I know that right here and now, everything is fresh and shiny and new and exciting, and when you're so caught up in just enjoying the ride and the rush of all that, that's when it's easiest to gush and be exhilarated and say these kinds of things.
But at the end of the day? Bottom line, this is exactly what I wanted ... and then some. And I'm loving the ride so far.

Flying Blind

I've kinda felt like I've been on overload or something lately for no particular reason. More people have been starting to know who I am lately, so maybe that's it. And maybe part of me was just hoping for a little more time to figure out and define exactly who that was. But I think I've come up with some pretty good stuff so far.
I had a request for a session recently with a guy who had seen my clips from my shoot with Trey. The whole thing was pretty last minute; the woman who ran the shoot and the space called me the night before and said that a regular of hers really wanted to session with me after seeing my clips but the only time he was available was the next evening at seven PM. I was a little dubious going in given the nature of that particular shoot, coupled with the fact that she didn't really have any specific details for me; the only direction she gave me was "light domination like foot worship, trampling, light spanking, and maybe some facesitting if you're comfortable with that." Well, that last one is an extremely rare event for me in general, and frankly, I wasn't sure how I was going to come up with an hour's worth of material based on the rest of it. But she assured me that the client was really great and that she'd known him for years, and ultimately, I wound up agreeing, figuring I'd try to pick her brain for a little more info once I got there.
"So, what's his story? What makes him tick?" I asked as I changed into the thong and bra she had provided for me (way less than I'd ever worn for a r/t session before in my life, but since she'd told me not to worry about bringing anything because they had everything there, I was kinda S.O.L.).
The only new info she gave me before rattling off his list of fetishes again was that his name was Billy* (something about grown men who still use the little boy version of their names like that has always kinda bothered me) and that he did something for a music production company and was constantly going back and forth between New York and L.A. Well, that and "don't be too mean because it's really just light domination."
Okay. So clearly I was to be flying blind here and just crossing my fingers for a smooth landing.
As it turned out though, the not knowing what to expect element really made me appreciate the experience. Billy was an absolute sweetheart, clean cut, respectful, well-mannered, and frankly, I think he would have been perfectly content to have spent the entire hour just talking and massaging my feet. He couldn't really take much (even the light spanking was too much for him, and much as he wanted to experience the trampling, he freaked out every time I tried to put my weight on him), and kept apologizing for it saying he "felt bad because (he) didn't want (me) to be bored." So after some cutesy, playful banter, (ie: "Aw... really, that hurts? But you're not even pink!" and "You really can't handle tiny, little 98 pound me?"), I improvised and just went with psychological bondage and sensation play, making things up as I went along. And with what felt like ridiculously minimal effort on my part, he went right into subspace. Which was a pretty cool feeling.
Anyway, I've never been that particular brand of energized after a session before, so I think I'm gonna be going with that whole cutesy, playful bit a lot more. Plus, the contrast of still maintaining that while upping the ante on someone who can take more should be a lot of fun, and I'm amazed something so simple didn't occur to me earlier.
And really? If I don't enjoy someone enough to share that kind of dynamic with them, I probably don't want to scene with them in the first place.
This, among other things, was something I discussed with Trey in an unexpected heart to heart the other day. He had contacted me to ask if I would mind if he were to do a forced bi session with another Mistress, and if not, would I want to be there for it or anything like that? He explained that he wanted to ask my permission first because he respects me and my knowledge of the scene, trusts my judgment, and feels attached to me ... even though he knows I don't formally own him. Which I found unbelievably sweet ... better than I've gotten from a few who shall remain nameless where there actually was some level of "formal attachment," and I told him as much ... though I was also sure to add that I didn't really see any reason why I would need to be there.
Anyway, all this escalated to his saying that even if I wasn't actually there, he wants to know that anything he explores fetish-wise is something I'm into. Which brought us to the whole "I want my subs to have their own interests and desires" theme of my last post, and me telling him that I would never want him to limit his own experiences in his journey because of his connection with me, and that ultimately, that would be limiting for both of us because we wouldn't be able to learn from each other the same way. This was another one of those right off the cuff moments where I say something out loud that I've never thought about before and it turns out to be something I actually really believe in. Those are a little bit awesome.
So I guess I've been doing a pretty respectable job with all this flying blind business I've had going on these days ... and y'know something? I'm actually kinda proud of myself for that.