Enjoying the Ride

When I first started learning my way around the community, I heard both Brooke and Derek refer to vanilla people in terms of D/s on separate occasions.
Brooke and I had several "girl talk" nights during which we would stay up late drinking wine, painting our toenails, and trading stories ... and one night, when I told her about an experience I'd had with a guy who had gotten cold feet about "sealing the deal" with me (so to speak) during a vanilla sexual encounter, she responded matter-of-factly, "Well, he had a true slave mindset then, and a true slave never wants to fuck his Mistress." I wasn't really sure how to take that at the time, so my only reaction was to reiterate his "vanilla-ness" for her. Later, I encountered similar responses from Derek when sharing stories with him in which he would peg vanilla people as submissives based on my accounts of my experiences and interactions with them.
I imagine that much of the reasoning behind precisely why these prosaic, black and white classifications of people who weren't in the scene left me ever so slightly unsettled probably had more than a little bit to do with my own strict religious upbringing, against which I've been rebelling for the better part of my life. It all just felt like something of a parallel to that militant, born again Christian line of reasoning that those who don't share their beliefs must automatically fall into the category of "hell-bound." In the same vein, the whole concept of "recruiting" vanillas has always - at least to me - felt on a par with the penchant those same Christians seem to have for constantly trying to force their beliefs on others.
I'm open about who I am and what I do, and if my vanilla friends are curious to learn more about exactly what all that entails for me, I'll answer any questions they might have and tell them anything they want to know. In Sasha's case - after some careful grilling to be sure her interest was genuine and that she had legitimate personal reasons for wanting to pursue the lifestyle (not unlike Derek's approach to me when I first expressed my interest in the scene to him) - I was even willing to show her the ropes, but for me, that was where it ended. When our mutual friend Alex then asked me to train her - primarily because she hoped that topping the boy who had been spending the better part of a year playing with her mind and heart would bond him more closely to her - I was more reluctant to oblige or entertain the notion ... despite the fact that she does, indeed, have some dominant personality traits. As Derek had eventually explained his reasoning behind his own grilling process as applied to me, "This is something that's extremely personal for me, so I wanted to be sure you were sincere and genuine in your desires before I made the decision to usher you into the lifestyle," and I guess I've been applying that same principle where vanillas are concerned.
As far as a scenario in which I might actually find myself coupled with a vanilla partner, personally, all I've ever really hoped for was acceptance and understanding (something I haven’t always gotten in the past) ... but given my upbringing, I'm also categorically opposed to forcing my beliefs on anyone. So I guess the most recent development in my story so far could just be viewed as yet another example of that whole "where you least expect it" theory that seems to apply to so many aspects of life. Either way, it's been nothing short of amazing so far.
So... the back story behind all that is: I've recently come into contact with this boy. We (meaning he and I, not my split personalities and I) have decided that for the purposes of this blog, I'm going to be calling him Jack.*
We hit it off pretty quickly ... though since he was vanilla, I was a little bit nervous about broaching that whole subject of, "I'm also known as Mistress Kay in some circles." I mean, I wasn't too too worried; he seemed cool and open-minded enough, and he's no stranger to bucking convention himself ... but initially, I guess there's always that little okay so this person seems really great and I really hope this isn't gonna scare them off smidgen of concern.
Well, not only was Jack not scared off, his first response was to inform me of a local dungeon where he had just so happened to have heard that monthly parties are held (he had been there once with a friend who had been buying a flogger, ostensibly for the purpose of spicing things up with his boyfriend, and the owner had given them her promoting spiel), and then to say that as long as I didn't mind his being shy and quiet and hiding out in the corner silently observing, he wouldn't mind going to check it out with me sometime.
Apparently, my reaction to that was an offhanded comment along the lines of, "Sure, no problem. I can just tell people that you're with me and I gave you a speech restriction," something I immediately forgot I had even said ... at least until a few days later when Jack called me, reminding me of it and informing me that he'd been thinking about it and was curious about maybe trying it out and seeing what it was like sometime.
I gave him the same grilling as everyone else, making sure he had his own reasons to back up this newfound curiosity ... namely reasons that didn't have anything to do with his interest in me or our rapidly deepening connection.
Now, a couple short weeks or so later, a confirmation of pure intentions finds him under my protection, beginning to attend munches with me as my boy, and just completely blowing me away in general in new ways every day ... without even realizing he's doing it. Which, really? Is pretty much the best way to do it anyway.
In hindsight, the signs were all there ... I was kinda subconsciously topping him in little ways from day one (hey, someone's gotta take control of a situation sometimes, and I've frequently wound up being that person, so is it really my fault if it's become a conditioned response at this point?). Not to mention the number of times we've inadvertently (and, I suppose one might argue, even almost instinctively) found ourselves engaging in some of the most intense and absolutely incredible power exchanges I've ever experienced.
I've previously touched on my tendencies for beating around the bush, dressing everything up in metaphors, speaking in riddles, and disclaimer-ing absolutely everything to death wherever relationship stuff is concerned. And maybe instinct plays a part in that, too. Maybe every time I've previously only selectively shown myself to someone - ever the open book with certain pages carefully torn out and tucked into my cleavage ... and God help anyone who would ever dream of even attempting to dive in there for them uninvited - it was simply a case of somehow subconsciously knowing better, knowing on some instinctive level that maybe this person wasn't quite "it ..." either because they wouldn't fully understand, or because for whatever reason, they just simply weren't entirely worthy of it, of me. But with Jack, I've had no such hangups. And the best part is, he actually gives me the opportunity to return the favor, sharing himself with me just as openly and honestly as I share myself with him.
And I don't want to jinx it, but I really think it's safe to say that the days of bullshit have ended for me. Last night, showing him off to my lifestyle friends at a munch, I was proudly and excitedly gushing about the lack of "training" that even seems to be required here, in contrast with some of my past experiences: Jack is respectful, attentive to my needs, in regular contact with me ... and he even asked permission before calling me by pet names (kind of a huge thing for me lately since my decision not to maintain the whole "Domme bitch" persona has gone hand in hand with a serious lack of respect and entirely too much familiarity from some subs).
"You mean he actually has manners?" my friend Xani asked with a smirk and in the most priceless tone of mock incredulity once I was done gushing, "Wow, imagine that!"
"I know, what a concept, right?" Derek chimed in, laughing.
Sadly, though, it is quite a concept for me in this particular instance. But (knocking wood, fingers crossed, and all that jazz), I think it's actually finally safe to say that I am now officially onto bigger and better things ... 'cause really? This is what it's all about.
I mean, logically speaking, I know that right here and now, everything is fresh and shiny and new and exciting, and when you're so caught up in just enjoying the ride and the rush of all that, that's when it's easiest to gush and be exhilarated and say these kinds of things.
But at the end of the day? Bottom line, this is exactly what I wanted ... and then some. And I'm loving the ride so far.